Once upon a time in Washington, when it was run by ‘Obama the Joke’ and ‘Biden the Bumbler’, there was a foreign policy strategy known as “Strategic Smooching.” This was perfected by Barack Obama and Joe Biden, who, instead of drawing red lines, just drew big, fat emojis with puckered lips and aimed them at Iran and Hamas’s ass. Rumor had it that every time Hamas fired a rocket, Biden sent another shipment of ransom cash and Obama penned a love letter signed, “Hugs and Kisses”, Barry O.” The result? Iran and Hamas felt so loved, they just kept asking for more. Hey, wouldn’t you? 

But then came 2025, and the world changed—because back roared President Donald J. Trump, like a tanned, Diet Coke-guzzling bull in a China shop ready to squash anyone in his way. This was the guy Obama once called “a clown,” which is pretty ironic considering Barack and Joe spent nearly a decade running the world like it was a Cirque du Soleil audition. Trump took one look at what the previous administration had done— “Peace through apology. What a joke. Absolute disaster!”—and decided it was time to kick some ass. 

So what did Trump do? He didn’t send love notes or sweet-talk the ayatollah. He grabbed his world’s-biggest bullhorn (OK, maybe an F-35), bombed a couple of secret bunkers in Iran for fun, and live streamed himself chewing out the entire UN General Assembly. “BOOM! STRONG PEACE, NOT WEAK KISSES!” he tweeted at 3:00 AM, while eating a Big Mac in bed. 

Here’s where it gets legendary: as missiles were still smoking in Iran’s back yard, every Middle East leader—Saudis, Israelis, even the usually grumpy folks in Qatar—called Trump and begged, “OK, big guy, what’s your deal?” In record time, Trump slammed together a 20-point “Peace and Tremendous Prosperity Plan.” He had Israel and Hamas sign a deal in Egypt, and somehow, even Iran nodded along—possibly just to keep their air bases from being turned into parking lots.​ 

Trump strolled out to the Rose Garden, did his best WWE victory dance, and declared, “See? Obama called me a clown. Turns out I’m the ringleader—and Joe? He’s still backstage blowing kisses at the wrong crowd!” The whole region held its breath and—for the first time in forever—agreed to stop blowing each other up. Meanwhile, Biden was last seen wandering through the nursing home searching for his pudding cup and muttering, “It wasn’t supposed to end like this!” Barry O was spotted at the local bar drinking Bud Light with Dylan McDermott. 

The moral? Sometimes the world needs less hugging, less kissing, less WOKE… and a lot more kick-ass, because while Obama and Biden were busy sending bouquets, Trump was busy sending ceasefire deals nobody could ignore—and made the peace mongers look like they’d shown up to a gunfight with a water gun. God bless America.​ 

Now, if only someone could negotiate peace in Congress.