WILMINGTON, DELAWARE – Despite the combined strength of his campaign supporters, President Biden is now experiencing unexpected hurdles in rallying donor enthusiasm for his presidential library—a project envisioned to commemorate his legacy and inspire future generations. Officials say the vision is for an “immersive museum,” yet so far, the only thing immersive appears to be the silence from Biden’s core group of supporters hiding under water.

Sources confirm today that fundraising for Joe Biden’s much-anticipated presidential library has gone from “uphill battle” to “I’ll give you a loan, but at 30% interest because of how badly you screwed up the economy. In what’s being dubbed “The Great Wallet Lockdown,” top Democratic donors have responded to pleas for Biden’s presidential library funds with theatrics worthy of a soap opera—clutching their pearls, checking for invisible money, and insisting their bank apps are “down for maintenance” until further notice.

In a shocking twist that experts are already calling “unprecedented in presidential library history,” Joe Biden’s donor rolodex has officially ghosted him, leaving the former president’s fundraising drive as empty as a Kamala Harris rally. Major Democratic donors, previously famed for writing big campaign checks, are reportedly so hesitant to donate to the library that they’d rather sponsor a collection of inspirational post-it notes for Biden’s office fridge or donate worn out MAGA hats and Kamala Sucks road signs for a garage sale.

As the fundraising push continues, organizers remain hopeful that donors will eventually “unblock” the campaign—preferably before the library is forced to settle for nothing more than a tree hut in Uganda or a pup tent in a Sanctuary City Homeless Camp.