“Don Corleone III Sworn in as ‘Acting Governor’ After Background Check Finds He’s Less Crooked Then the Current Politicians”

In a dimly lit back room, decorated with flags and fake gold, President Trump announced his latest reform: “I just made a deal with the Mafia. They’re taking over Minnesota. They won’t steal as much as the politicians, and nobody dares to protest against them.”

Across the table sat Don Corleone III, complete with perfectly tailored suit and judgmental stare. He sighed and said, “We’re crooks, not animals. You people blew through more money in one budget than we did in five decades of political payoffs.“

Under the agreement, the new “Governor” will be a soft‑spoken Don who promises that every scandal will at least come with functioning roads and plowed snow. “From now on,” he announced, “when we skim off the top, you actually get something for it. It’s called respect.”

The mob boss clarified that his organization had “standards” and would never dream of the kind of industrial‑scale looting that modern elected officials pull off between photo ops. “We skim,” but we leave some for the little folks, he explained. “What you people did with the tax money? That’s a war crime.”

Asked how his organization would handle protesters, the Don waved a hand dismissively. “We don’t march around spraying tear gas and waving rifles at every loudmouth. We just sit them down, have a little chat, and suddenly everybody remembers how to behave.” In the worst case, we have the Clinton “FAMILY” pay them a visit.

Outgoing politicians were reportedly packing their bags for a national “word salad” tour with former Vice President Harris and Gov. Walz, who will be giving a masterclass titled: “How To Spend A Billion On An Election And Still Lose”. Attendees will learn essential skills such as speaking for 20 minutes without completing a sentence.

Governor Walz, upset at being replaced by organized crime, complained, “This is undemocratic. Voters chose us to waste their money, not some guys who keep receipts.” The Don patted him on the shoulder and replied, “relax, fatso, you can still give speeches. We’ll handle the actual stealing like professionals. Fuhgeddaboudit.”